“Is something wrong Freddie?” I asked sweetly, inwardly cackling evilly as he just blushed red and nodded. Revenge was sweet… and too easy. It had probably been easy for him to just let me walk into the boys’ loo last week to get a good laugh, but now... it was his turn.
Just thinking about what he had put my poor innocent, second year mind through made me cringe. “No, I’m fine.” He responded to my earlier question, at first I thought it was a bit late; then I realized that I had the ability to think super fast thanks to the FunDip he had given me as an apology for the bathroom thing. The fact that he managed to get me muggle candy here at Hogwarts was really an amazing feat… NO! Focus, Vix; you needed to get back at this boy for creating a situation where people called me a peeping tom for a whole week! “Are you okay? You seem a bit distracted there.”
I smiled up at him, happy when he blushed again. “I’m okay Fred, thanks for asking; it makes me happy to see that you care.” He smiled at me and I felt my heart flutter. No way; I can have a sugar induced heart attack after I get my revenge. I felt myself smile widely and started chatting animatedly when the girls’ washroom came in sight. This would make him see that he shouldn’t mess with me.
This is how I'm used to writing. This is an excerpt from my Harry Potter fanfiction, and here you see that I have a carefree kind of happy feel that I put into my writing. Suddenly, all I can seem to write is really depressing stuff, basically only because I don't ever feel happy when I'm writing anymore. It's become a chore since I've started taking this class and that really scares me. I've always found joy and peace in writing and I'm afraid that if I don't have that anymore what is going to keep me who I am.
Mrs. Weasley had her arms around my shoulders and was heaving with sobs… but wait, those couldn’t be my sobs that seemed to echo throughout the room, right? I tried to hold my breath and failed, making me realize that it was indeed my crying that was moving both me and Mrs. Weasley. Why was I crying? I shouldn’t be crying; I should be happy. I’m Vix, and I wasn’t ever unhappy for no reason. “Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred,” I said his name like a mantra, not sure when it started and looked to the ring on my finger, wondering why it didn’t look so pretty, and why in the world I had the strong urge to throw it at the sleeping Fred. No, not sleeping, they keep saying.
Mrs. Weasley clutches my hand in hers and I finally turn to look away from Fred to her face and I felt like I had been slapped as reality stepped in. It destroyed my fantasy where Fred was sleeping. We weren’t getting married. I wasn’t ever going to bear his children. Fred was dead. He lied. He promised not to leave me but he did; I was all alone. No not alone. They try to convince me, Mrs. Weasley wrapping me in another hug along with all the other Weasley’s, Bex, and Hermione. But I was alone. I always felt alone without Fred.
I’m running. Where? Anywhere, my legs just keep going, carrying me through the destroyed castle. Away from all the people, all the tears. I finally stop somewhere outside near Hagrid’s cottage, collapsing to the ground. My breath comes in heavy pants as I look around the corpse laden ground, but I feel glad that they are the only ones around at the moment. I cringe as a hoarse voice echoes all over the grounds, and I resist the urge to curl up in a ball and wither away in fear. This was Voldemort. I had to listen, nothing else was more important at the moment.
Yeah. Kind of a drastic change. My OC is in love with Fred Weasley and I had to skip over to the part where he dies just so I could write something worthwhile. I don't understand what is going on with me right now or why I can't seem to get anything in my writing right, but I'm getting very discouraged. When I was re-reading my realistic fiction stories for this class I realized that I have a long way to go before I can become a great novelist. In fact, I really don't see myself going very far at all and I'm beginning to question why I even bother.
Please don't stop bothering! Keep going, especially since you are thinking this way and asking questions.. that is exactly what leads to progress in writing! Many people sit around writing whatever and never thinking about it, but the ones who think and engage and question and get frustrated eventually work through all this and do good writing... and there is no one or right way to do it either... and the frustration will continue but think of that as "productive" instead of as a negative thing... because you have a love for writing this will win in the end! So don't be discouraged, try to think about what you see going on around you and how this can work into your own writing, and thinking about your own writing processes, etc...
ReplyDelete